Hello all! I know you don't know me
since I'm a guest on this fantastic blog but I thought I would take
the time tonight to sit down and talk with you about a topic near and
dear to my heart. First let, me tell you a little bit about myself.
After all, we're veritable strangers, right?
My name is C.L. McReynolds. I am
twenty-five years old.
I am the author of two published novels
so far, 'Prophets and Providences' and 'Thaumaturgy',
the sequel of which I am currently writing for this year's NaNoWriMo
(all of which are available on Amazon for those interested in
checking them out! ;) ).
I am a college graduate and a teacher
of American Sign Language.
I am an avid reader and fan of fandoms
like Supernatural, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.
I am currently expecting my first baby.
I am Autistic.
That's right. I have Autism, and not
the kind you see on shows like Sherlock and the Big Bang Theory where
they're just quirky, eccentric and hyper-intelligent savants. No, I
have the
meltdowns-in-public-panic-attack-can't-drive-won't-even-go-out-in-public-alone
kind of Autism. And before you ask, no, I've never seen and never
plan to see Rain Man.
You're probably wondering by now, 'Why
on earth are you having a baby if you're that
kind of Autistic?'
Well, it wouldn't be the first time
I've heard that and I very much doubt it will be the last. Sure, I'm
that kind of Autistic but you'll notice that in the little
introduction that I gave above, none of those difficulties are there.
Sure, I have sensory difficulties and the resulting anxiety that
comes with them but I'm also a person with strengths, with skills and
with achievements of my own.
Some of you, as you've read this are
probably muttering at the screen, 'But you're just bringing
another Autistic baby into the world!'
Yes. And?
As you've probably noticed, don't see
Autism as quite the same Greek tragedy so many other people do. It's
like being in a wheelchair or being Deaf. All come with their own
challenges to be overcome and all are people with dignity, honor and
self-respect. None of us are tragedies. And, as the chances of my
baby having Autism too are quite high, then we'll just be down on the
floor playing with Legos and spinning truck wheels together while the
same movie plays back to back in the background.
On that note, let me respond to a few
of the pretty common questions I receive (usually from perfect
strangers and not on a public forum like this. I'm not kidding they
will come up and ask me without prompting. Exceptionally rude).
- No, I am not drawing a disability check. My partner is actually a sergeant in our local law enforcement and I work from home.
- Yes, I use my voice. I am a verbal individual, especially when strangers ask me this question. No but seriously, when you have Autism, sometimes when the upset crowds your brain, the words get stuck. That's why I learned Sign Language. A great number of my employers and friends are Deaf or sign so I'm never short of socialization in either language. :)
- I don't, nor will I ever, support Autism Speaks. That's a soapbox I won't get on right now but as an Autistic adult, I say 'no thank you'. Instead, I choose to support the excellent work of advocates such as the Autism Society of America .
- Yes, I do have some unique special interests. Anything Harry Potter, my own book series (because spending that much time writing a six part fantasy series? It has to be! ;)), anything Diablo (the videogame lol), as well as a few others. That's right, you don't have to have just one.
- Yes, women can be Autistic too. It's actually being discovered more and more among women simply because before, they had no idea that it presented differently in women than it does in boys. Simply put, a man with Autism and woman with Autism are probably not going to have the same difficulties, reactions, or quirks. Then again, Autism varies widely from individual to individual too so that goes for people as well as genders.
- Am I high-functioning? I really hate this question actually. I hate it because I've seen what we refer to as “functioning labels” used to discount the opinions and input of Autistic people on all sides of the spectrum. For many, you're either too low-functioning for you to know what you're talking about or so high-functioning that you “may as well not be Autistic at all”. Pretty crappy, huh? Also, I feel like functionality can vary greatly even within a single individual (if you're interested, check out Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation to get a better idea of how this happens) depending on different factors. For example, I feel like I'm“lower-functioning” now than I use to be. So my answer to this question is always, “I'm just Autistic.”
- Yes, Autistic people can have satisfying, fulfilling and long-term relationships with neurotypical people. It may take more work and understanding on the part of both partners but any relationship or marriage does. In the case of Autistic/Neurotypical relationships, I think the biggest thing is going to be patience and communication, whether that communication is spoken, written, signed, in 1337 speak or Silvan Elvish. Whatever works for the two of you (or more if that's your preference) works, no matter how odd it may seem to anyone else.
- Should you try to correct your Autistic partner or child's “strange” or “embarrassing” behavior? NO! Absolutely not! They are only doing what comes naturally to them! Would you like it if someone told you that you weren't allowed to ever undress in your own home anymore because it embarrassed them? It sounds pretty crazy huh? But some of the odd things that your partner or child may be doing, stimming for example, are merely ways for them to feel comfortable or regulate some internal discomfort. Feel happy that they trust you enough and feel comfortable enough around you to not try and hide behaviors that come naturally to them. Autistic brains are simply wired differently for movement, sound, etc. The only behaviors that should ever be corrected (and only by gently guiding them to a better behavior to replace it) is self-injurious or harmful behaviors. I'm talking physically harmful, not harmful to your social standing in the local Kroger.
- What are meltdowns like? Well...they're scary sometimes. It's like your entire world gets blinders put on it and all you can focus on is that one hurt, sensation, emotion or frustration until it builds and builds. It builds like the pressure in a broken submarine until eventually the pressure explodes. Meltdowns don't always look like the screaming, flailing scenarios you see on tv. Sometimes it's just uncontrollable, uncommunicative sobbing or you sort of get lost inside of yourself until you lose the ability to connect yourself with anything outside of your own head. You can't think, can't speak, can't do anything until it is over. They do end though, usually after a while but sometimes we need help. A bear hug or something nicely weighted and warm. Sometimes all it takes is someone supportive sitting next to us and tell us it's okay until we ride it out. Maybe you're even that support person in your Autistic's life.
There are so many
other topics in relation to this one that we could discuss but alas,
we would probably be here for another week or so. So I will leave all
of you with the hope that you realize that the Autistic person that
may be in your life, the one you see at school or work or the mother
struggling in the supermarket with her melting down child (and
meltdowns are far different from tantrums) are all people who
are deserving of your dignity, respect and understanding, not
criticism and derision. We are people, just like you who can thrive
and achieve once we have the physical, mental and emotional tools to
do so. I hope I've given you all something to think about and I hope
you enjoyed learning a little more tonight. Thanks!
-C.L. McReynolds
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